How to Save Myself From Certain Demise

Cliff's Notes

Declutter.
I was sorting through my Maui clothes and found a stack of jeans that hadn't been on my body in a while. It quickly became obvious that I wouldn't be wearing them for another 20 pounds or so, which led me to the conclusion that my cheese has been sliding off my cracker for longer than I was previously willing to admit. It certainly predated this quarantine sitch we are all in.

Coping Mechanism Number One: Eat your feelings.

Noted. Apparently I have a lot of feelings. And they hide in ice cream.

Coping Mechanism Number Two: Identify and isolate the source.

Hmmm.

Work.

I changed jobs. Changed bosses. That's been stressful. Extremely stressful. Like, on a scale of one to pull my fingernails out by the roots, off the charts stressful. But - even though I'm typing with no fingernails - that's not really a new stress for me. I'm used to it. Crisis management seems to go along with my career choices. It's my weird little comfort zone.

Transfer.

Umm yea. Moving off island was a kicker. Moving off island and all the way to the east coast and living in an RV was a bit over the top. Maybe something in there was the trigger. 

I probe and poke around for residual soreness but, no. I don't think that's it.

Relationship issues. Um, yeah, but don't we all have those?

By the way, side note here: This is what it's like for me whenever I'm asked to put a fine point on my emotions. Responding to a simple How ya doing is a fire drill.

I answer fine because everyone always say fine. It's what you're supposed to say, just like you're supposed to say You're Welcome after someone says Thank you. So I say fine, but inside there is a room full of me freaking out. Wait! That has not been confirmed! We don't know if we are fine! We don't think we are fine! 

I take a roll call.
Are you fine, Work/Stella?
God, I don't know. I haven't checked my email in three minutes. Ask Mom-Stella - she's in charge.
Mom/Stella, You okay?
I don't know. I haven't heard from the kids lately and the last time I did I felt like I picked up on a vibe. That might not be good. Vibes are usually  not good.
I decide to check back with her later.
Finance/Stella, what's going on with you?
Well, the Jeep and the truck were both in the shop this month, do you really want to know the answer to that question.
Relationship-Stella?
She flips me off and walks out of the room. 

Bingo.

And that, my friends, is why I blog.