Aloha

  

Aloha.

Hello and Goodbye, all at the same time.  

I ought to be good at it by now. God knows I’ve had enough experience...

And yet, saying goodbye is still so fucking hard. Too hard.

Damn.

Today I start my Aloha tour, touching base with the places and people who have meant so much to me these last few years. 

Places and people who have changed me.

For the better I hope.

Places I’ll never see again.

People. 

Sigh. Damn again.

Sitting in the airport, I can’t help but think of five years ago when I arrived on island wearing a sweater and jeans and boots and make up and all the things I haven’t worn since that day.

I was wrapped up so tight. 

So uptight. 

I didn’t know how to laugh or play or relax. 

Hawai’i has taught me those things. 

Lying on the beach beneath a gentle sky with the sand warm beneath my skin... feeling the ocean tide pulling away my stresses, I was changed. I am changed.

I belong here now. In some strange way, I will always belong here.

And like every other time I have fallen in love, I’m leaving it behind.

And some people wonder why i am the way I am.

This.

This is why.

A lifetime of saying goodbye is why.

Damn.